ive not really noticed before, and im sure evyone else has,
but ive been getting stroppy....
oh yeah on friday i wrote how happy i was... and how nothing could get better as i was 'anchored'
but i think today i have realised that i am a great big stroppy lump of self pitying crud.
i whined this morning.
i whined that i had to get out of bed, i whined that i had to stay at home and study while everyone went to the beach, and then when they all left i cried. im sure to whine when i get any spot of the hot wind on me, and whine when things dont turn out right.

i whine.

'snap out of it' someone should say. but no-one does, they are all much too nice.

yesterday i went to broadmeadows.

it was an interesting, disturbing, hopeless and vast place. i saw a man with a 'TERRORISTS fuck off' t-shirt. a jim beam in his hand, climbing out of his land rover full of wives and kids, with a purple rally car, all beat and torn in tow. i wanted to have a miranda stare, and look at him with searing eyes until he exploded.

i surprised myself.

and then beyond him stretched far and wide the same houses, with same rooves and the same lawns. and i realised i was glad to be out of the place i spent so much time, and living here. despite the fact we live in a bubble.

when i got home i walked in to my room, and there was a bed there. my friends all pitched in and bought me a bed.

it made me so happy that they thought of me, but i was also a little ashamed.
this girl has too much pride... and thats why ive been whining and sleeping on milk crates with bits of wood to fill in the gaps. stupid.

so ill try to leave the whining at that. leave it at the door.


dell said...

lucky bed girl.

problematic said...

sure AM! its so delightful being well slept!