heavy

the sun is shining today,
but i have large rocks in my stomach.

i went out to a place called jeparit once,
its by the desert in NW victoria.
i had rocks in my stomach then too.

on our way we went through ararat and took the scenic route,
the one you take with the little brown sign, to see the wind farm.

big elegant and serene
they rhythmically turned,
around and around. waving.

also on the scenic route, there was an old gold quarry.
a big hole in the ground filled with rusty tractors, once strong and dependable,
now filled with holes, and no where to sit in their shell.

the farmer stood at the fence and told us to come and have a look. he didnt seem to mind at all.
three kids, taking 'beatutiful' pictures,
"be careful he shouted behind us" as we crawled in and out and around,
climbing down deep into a hole someone dug a long time ago.

i picked up a rock then. it felt sharp in my hand and its shiny speckles glinted through the basalt.

the grampians stood over us in thebackground.

and i held the rock and put it in my bag.

once i was going to go to a fancy dress party,
a halloween party, and i dressed up as miranda from picnic at hanging rock,
the same rock hanging from my neck (the pun) me all pale and white, and the rock poking my ribs.

now it sits under my bed in a box.

but i feel like its heavy in my stomach. a sadness rambling around,
poking me here and there with that crying feeling in my throat.

4 comments:

hell said...

aw miss.
i know it.
does it help to write it.

maybe

x

problematic said...

it helps... to write it.
my rock is a boy. shiny and sharp.
and i went from a head full of rocks to rocks in my belly.

x

hell said...

i think we should definately have that date. quince brandy!

little nemo said...

i found a rock that i brought back from shipwreck creek, many years ago, when I was so depressed that i felt like that smooth black rock dropped into a lake of black water sinking, swift and invisible. For a while i thought that i could spend the rest of my life on that beach; sorting all the black stones to one half, all the white ones to the other, just me, the cliffs and the waves. Looking at the stone I wondered whether I still wanted to be carrying all that around, and whether it was just another object taking up space. I held it in my hand while i remembered. it was smooth and good to hold.

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