and im home alone and there is an un-nerving tap in the wall. is it you?

the days are glorious dont you think? and the nights are cold.
but clear.
i was sad when i woke this morning and there were grey clouds and wind... little did i know that it would clear to become beautiful later...

the view is delightful... deee-lightful. and i am decidedly chipper. happy little vegemite even. rosy cheeks and vegemite in the corners of my mouth (actually im not really into vegemite)
ive been getting cups of tea and sunshine on the back steps, and though i am procrastinating from the eminent doom of school i am really happy about everything else.

some money is coming my way. sometimes i think there really is someone looking after me. above, or maybe its all here. there are people looking after me here. not in some esoteric after 'above' world but right here and now.

just when you think you are going to die of all things money related there is an almightly job offer and a little money comes your way. it somehow always happens this way.

its just lucky i guess.

this week also marks the return of regular meals, the return of my 'special needs' diet (no gluten or dairy) and the return of dinner club (of which i am president). getting paid means a nastily large trip to coles to buy all the things that are dwindling and to buy the very best trolley full from the meditteranean grocer. plus a market shop for exceptional seasonal veggies, eg. asparagus! this makes me happy.

this week: week of food.

plus after a brief break (well maybe not brief) WAYDT is back. after a year of servicing the melbourne cuties...

so stay tuned for some recepies, and general fun things to do.

im off to read the paper on the tram and pay my late rent!

lovelovelovelove

what a week

im working more that i had hoped and neglecting school and getting nervous
and im crossing a river everyday and reading the paper every morning on the tram (so i miss the crossing of the river bit) and elbowing people and getting shirty at tram inspectors.
im walking around staring at all the toorak trash, and buying coffees, feeling like im on top of things a little more.
im getting sad about reminiscence, and getting angry about sudden turnarounds, and getting frustrated cause i need to do washing. in my case today, neccessity bred invention, and im not too worried about my outfit. the dark depths of the wardrobe came up with a spring favourite or two.
im missing the steam from my mouth but i know its coming back next week, and im enjoying the heat the sun makes on my black clothes in south yarra streets.
ive started carrying a comb around with me, a little black one.

ive stopped crying.

i have too much on. i want to start a small business, i want to op shop all day long, i want to illustrate and photograph and paint. i want to make buildings too.

but for now ill hide in the corners of the south yarra tree lined back streets and make some money drawing south side homes...

tonight: there is an opening at platform, and if you read the paper on the tram today like i did, there is a great and funny article on juliana ACCA.

have a nice sunny day while it lasts

lveolovelvovleovelovlove

too big to remember

my weekend was too big.
too big to remember exactly what it was i did, exactly what was it that i did for four days.
lets see.
wednesday, i didnt sleep... because on thursday, i had a presentation in front of boy architects talking about this and that...train stations and suburbs... but all i really wanted to talk about was this:















why dont blind people play the accordian on trains anymore? and why dont people wear hats on trains anymore? and why do i procastinate by doing things like decorating my mouse pad?:















...then because i hadnt slept and hadnt eaten cause i had a presentation- i had beer.
and then because i hadnt eaten, and i hadnt had sleep and i had beer- i got drunk.

friday i slept. friday night i went to see some famous japanese architect talk about their funky houses that have sweeping forms and big ceilings. their designs are purely forms built around regualtions and they are beautiful.
then on friday night i had more beer. and what tasmanians call 'pyjamas'. aka spaghetti and cheese jaffles.
saturday i slept. and lazed about. alllll day. trying not to think about all the projects i suddenly have.
saturday i had a beautiful thai dinner in the nicest house in melbourne. miss karen cooked up a storm. then off to party, too many bottles of wine to myself later i was dancing and there were drunken boys falling on me left right and centre.
sunday i slept.

and all this culminated in the most delicious cherry and almond pie i have ever made!






























and so now after all that party-ing and pie eating i feel like a wind-up toy, an steam train tin wind up toy, all ready to go! ready to jump in and start designing my thesis project....

yours truly
until sleep club resumes,
lovelovelove

i want to live on 'cocoa jackson lane', brunswick....

hey, brunette... on the blue bike... sexy lady (elizabeth st, 00:00)

when i was five i had a crush on a boy who was extremely cute. Adam. I remember I liked him because he was cute, agile (good at jumping from bench to bench in the plyaground) and his name started with A. I thought that was a good sign.

when i was seven i had my second most biggest crush. his name was Gavin. Its only now i realise that rhymes with Adam. Gavin and Cameron were coasties, they were bad, so bad they were good at catch and kiss. They were junior lifesavers, and blonde and brown.

when i was ten i had a crush on a boy called Lee. Lee Miot. Lee was cute too. One day he was playing soccer on the ashphalt and all the boys fell on him. he smashed his mouth on the gravely tar and his two front teeth fell out. I can remember him running to the office past us all, two teeth cupped in his hands at his chin, and the bloody spit falling on the playground in blobs. tears making the marks they do when your face is hot dry and dirty. i was sacred of his blood, id heard about AIDS.

when i was twelve i had a crush on David. he was Italian. and like ferrari's and nintendo. especially super nintendo. he was good at the math quiz' where you have to do 50 times tables. he did them in 3mins. when the 15mins was up i had usually done about 10. David had one of those digital watches too. the ones with the light. we had to do the 'interperative dance' at our confirmation ceremony. i thought it was a sign that we were together at the alter.

when i was thirteen i had a long crush on my friends brother. Chris. he was two years older. and he played footy. rugby. we used to make up dances to TLC crazy sexy cool, and run around. i used to hope he was watching me.

when i was fourteen i had a crush on our family friend Tristian. he was seventeen. we went to a wedding out in the bush and he asked me to go for a walk, we walked down to the creek and he told me, 'you are the only girl ive ever liked'. i had known him for years. i was scared. he was like a brother. now i understood why he wanted to go to roxette* with me when i won tickets. but he was too shy to hold my hand. Tristian was good with cars. he was doing up a VW beetle. it was bright yellow. I ran back up the hill and sat by myself for an hour, trying to figure out why i had run when he tried to kiss me. i liked him. i went and i found him and i kissed him. we hid in the back of his dads old car, it was an old ambulance. and we kissed. my dad found us and then we went home. i didnt see him again.

to be continued...



*i won tickets to five concerts when i was fourteen on a commercial radio station. i entered so i could go to boys II men. i went to boys to men, REM, roxette, pet shop boys, and i won tickets to prince but he never toured.

tick tock

please let me explain myself...

i think it might have taken me this long to recover from the blogging events prior to my holiday and then the holiday itself.

melbourne seemed so dull when i arrived back home, and i guess the view has been a little dreary in my world.... still? i hear you say... yes. still.

i am in the last six months of one of the 'hardest degrees in the world' (quote lawyer friend) architecture. so ive been a bit quiet of late, i like to describe it as 'living in a hole' where you eat sleep and design and there isnt much brain power for other things. this is certain to continue for three months, and then ill try and do some 'elective' subjects in the fine arts department to make up for the loss of time...

so i do read your blogs, and i do see your pictures, but i guess i find it hard to dig that little bit deeper to write here.

ill pop in every now and then.

i love the magnolias at the moment, and last week i filled the house with tulips and stolen daphne.

new occupation: drunken guerilla neighbourhood florist

talented i am
as i steal from well laden trees
and florist bins
to create the most brilliant drunken bouqets

i think ill put that on my business card.

p.s. i fixed a leant to me bike and now i have WHEELZ


yours truly
blue malvern star maiden
laiden with flora!

xx

back to nature

back to nature i got... it was awfully nice.
i went to gorges, rainforest, islands, waterfalls, lakes.
and i went to a rodeo.

the rodeo was different
(different like when you are at picasso and a lady
behind you murmers to a friends, awwoo thats different)
at one point i looked up and realised that teetering on the stands
stood about 300 outback australians
and they all voted for john howard.
all of them.

they all took off their hats and held them to their chest
and it was the first time i had heard a recognisable crowd sing...the national anthem

but we saw bucking bulls and wrestled steers, and i must admit it was exciting.

i ate so much seafood i felt like i could breathe under water.
(i later found out i could not whilst snorkelling off fitzroy island, and swallowing so much salt water my lips were permanantly pursed from the salt)

i saw new things and i realised that the city isnt really all that...
i got back to nature. and i dreamt of building a house, and climbing mountains,
swimming in the local watering holes and spending the whole dry season in a place ive never dreamt of living.

dreams.

thats what happens when you go on a ten day holiday.

we stayed five nights in a motel as it rained a little.
the hotel was run my an old italian women.
'carmina'
on the first morning at 9am she busted into my room (as check out was at 9:30)
and yelled "you STAY or you GO?" in her thick italian accent.
i was naked and in a compromising position.
we stayed.

***

now im in melbourne again.
two have my friends are leaving for japan this week and they are going for a year.
thats a long time.
its selfish, but im sad.

i cant join ponies, though i would love to grind to 90s Nelly tunes...
i have a 'i think im turning japanese' emergency farewell party to host..

school started this week and im on the home run...

i hope you are all well.
sorry ive been lax.

lovelove

how is the view on holiday

its so grey and rainy today, but what do i care?
BECAUSE
im going here;



















to avoid these;















and watch these;













and hug these;















and do this;













and skinny dip, and laugh, and flick my hair like they do on those adds, and lie on sand, REal sand, white fine sand, and see the backpackers get drunk from where we are, and live on the beach in a campetvan, with the back open to the sea air...

so you might not hear from me for a while...

lovelove

if all goes according to plan....

NOTHing went according to plan today... nothing.

im still poor, despite month long efforts to get a loan from RMIT

i did a nice drawing and tried to battle technology to submit it to a worthy publication but to no avail, technology and scanning and uni and email all got in the way

i went to an art opening, and decided that i had IMS bad (see below item 10) and there was only one person i could talk to

i tried to get drunk with friends but ended up a floating loner, spending time with people but not the people i craved, and not the time i craved.

i realised that at the 'event' i am having tomorrow there will be little to no one able to attend (this comes with hosting something when some of your friends are away)

i was told after crying in the city waiting for a tram, holding my breath the whole way home, by a man who was talking about his theories on women and how they must 'sit in front of a mirror to touch their arseholes' (!??!#$%) that i was an
"ugly and disgusting woman"

today was not a good day people. i hope that my bad dreams turn good tonight (ive been having some horrid dreams of late nb. scissor stabbing murders)


tiredly yours..
x

pet hates & irks

1. sending long nice funny emails to people in the middle of a conflict and getting absolutely no response within 24 hours

2. myers MASSIVE HISTORY MAKING SALE and getting stuck behind ten ladies who have all those cards that they ask you for, "myer plus, flybuys, blah blah"

3. library fines

4. people who spell things with an "N for NELLY" type attitude

5. that macs dont have backspace key

6. promising yourself you will do work only to procrastinate while you could be out drinking free booze

7. that the things that i love are NEVER on sale enough. eg. prada parfum, chanel parfum, calvin klein underwear, stella macartney shoes, missoni towels, all these un-neccessary items i dont really need but admire and will NEVER be able to afford

8. people that say um on radio lots

9. the price of polaroid film

10. that i get nervous around people i really really like and get instant mute syndrome (TM)

11. buying a magazine only to find it has ONE good photo shoot

12. that bonsoy soy milk has gone up 50 cents at Coles

13. knitting a cute scarf that took me one whole year and losing it

14. when the tags rip of your tea bags

15. that lindt has changed its packaging, i like flipping open that little top.

16. that blobbing can become consequential

17. op shop boots that have to be worn in... they should be worn in already!

grumpy monkey tonight...
i need a goddam banana...

x
the problem with quick oats is that they are way too quick

the BLOB

blobbing is DANGEROUS

treasure island

song of the day: fuck treasure island, scout niblett.

home alone. ten coffees in south melbourne. already. with. two. fine. ladies. dancing. in. the. lounge. room. in. my. underclothes. again.

this is where im going in six sleeps.


love love

its a day off

its a day off, i could do things.

i woke up four times this morning, and couldnt get out until
i saw the sun. and then the rain came in.
so now im averaging putting on one item of clothing an hour
and trying to make a cup of tea but to no avail.

the rain makes me want to dye some of my colourful clothes black.

its been a frustrating couple of months
ive been drawing things that dont relate to uni at all and hoping that i can
get away with it

i sort of did get away with it though, with a journal full of dreams hidden away from sight,
and a folio for uni with a couple of maps and things that got handed in.

ive been waiting for a revelation, the kind you get when you know what you should do about things and you dont do it. some people think im strong but when it comes to love, as my mum says its on my SLEEVE. on my goddam sleeve in an hour or so.
and then your tricked. and people tell you tricks and ignore the things they've said before and it all turns into a yucky mush like the bottom of the tomato paste jar when its been left at the back of the fridge.

ive been neglecting everyone. so today i make ammends with my black rabbit. he's up in the apartment running about, making me work for my pats. hide and seek under the bed.

and i catch up on the millions of emails in the world that have stars, month old stars.

and i hope i can be more enthusiastic about things other than my dreamy drawing state.
last night i had a dream that my sister was touching the lense of my camera and i was angry at her. it wasnt very nice. ive been having strange dreams.

the view: many many naked trees, grey sky, black birds, shiny black wet roads, grass growing brown with the lack of light and the drench of rain, the city behing a haze of misty rain.

things to do

8 sleeps til im in tropical paradise
thats right
i cant WAIT for warm breezes cold mountain nights, snorkelling off islands with water like you see in those adds, and storms. i cant wait til i hear the earth moving, rumble grumble, houseshaking thunder of a REAL storm.
not like you get in these parts

isnt it cold?
yes.

things to do when on official holidays,

- stack bills in neat piles and hope that this makes it easier to look at them... later
- call all those people you havent talked to in a while
- stay in bed. all day. in the cold. get up for the odd cup of tea...
- use your housemates beautiful computer while she is on holidays
- have baths
- spend WHOLE days at home
- drink all the quince brandy you promised to others
- draw lots of things that arent buildings
- plan to draw lots more things that arent buildings
- blog
- make your myspace profile pretty but hard to read
- drink and guzzle lots of wine on friday nights and look at people like you didnt really mean to look at them
- spend ALL day sifting for treasure in op shops that you have never been in and get things like a $4.50 polaroid camera, cause you dont have enough already? (this is my third) and jumpers, and plates, and tea cups.
- hold up your friend who is falling, and help her out of her strange circumstance, giving her ginormous love hugs and such
- um.
- bake apple cake and not let a little thing like no eggs in the house get in your way
- drink ten million cups of tea
- yes ten million.
- slowly remember how to blog again.


hi.
im back. not in black though.
and i have loved reading all your blogs when i havent had the chance to write on my own.
nick told me via sms that my blogs sucked of late.
sorry nick.

x

ummmmm

ooo

ahhhh mmm
ahem

ahhh he hee ehm

no im not at the dentist
or having an orgasm

but i dont know what to write.

so i just want to say hello ok?

HI.

gday. wassup?

ok i tried to write something...
to no avail. ill try tomorrow. maybe.

xx





ps. i thought id get in on the 'so hot right now' pony thing... but i like camels better
i see them every sunday at the market. have you ever looked at their feet? they are amazing..
there
i WROTE sumthin'
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