to crush

when i was five i had a crush on a boy who was extremely cute. Adam. I remember I liked him because he was cute, agile (good at jumping from bench to bench in the plyaground) and his name started with A. I thought that was a good sign.

when i was seven i had my second most biggest crush. his name was Gavin. Its only now i realise that rhymes with Adam. Gavin and Cameron were coasties, they were bad, so bad they were good at catch and kiss. They were junior lifesavers, and blonde and brown.

when i was ten i had a crush on a boy called Lee. Lee Miot. Lee was cute too. One day he was playing soccer on the ashphalt and all the boys fell on him. he smashed his mouth on the gravely tar and his two front teeth fell out. I can remember him running to the office past us all, two teeth cupped in his hands at his chin, and the bloody spit falling on the playground in blobs. tears making the marks they do when your face is hot dry and dirty. i was sacred of his blood, id heard about AIDS.

when i was twelve i had a crush on David. he was Italian. and like ferrari's and nintendo. especially super nintendo. he was good at the math quiz' where you have to do 50 times tables. he did them in 3mins. when the 15mins was up i had usually done about 10. David had one of those digital watches too. the ones with the light. we had to do the 'interperative dance' at our confirmation ceremony. i thought it was a sign that we were together at the alter.

when i was thirteen i had a long crush on my friends brother. Chris. he was two years older. and he played footy. rugby. we used to make up dances to TLC crazy sexy cool, and run around. i used to hope he was watching me.

when i was fourteen i had a crush on our family friend Tristian. he was seventeen. we went to a wedding out in the bush and he asked me to go for a walk, we walked down to the creek and he told me, 'you are the only girl ive ever liked'. i had known him for years. i was scared. he was like a brother. now i understood why he wanted to go to roxette* with me when i won tickets. but he was too shy to hold my hand. Tristian was good with cars. he was doing up a VW beetle. it was bright yellow. I ran back up the hill and sat by myself for an hour, trying to figure out why i had run when he tried to kiss me. i liked him. i went and i found him and i kissed him. we hid in the back of his dads old car, it was an old ambulance. and we kissed. my dad found us and then we went home. i didnt see him again.

to be continued...



*i won tickets to five concerts when i was fourteen on a commercial radio station. i entered so i could go to boys II men. i went to boys to men, REM, roxette, pet shop boys, and i won tickets to prince but he never toured.