its a day off

its a day off, i could do things.

i woke up four times this morning, and couldnt get out until
i saw the sun. and then the rain came in.
so now im averaging putting on one item of clothing an hour
and trying to make a cup of tea but to no avail.

the rain makes me want to dye some of my colourful clothes black.

its been a frustrating couple of months
ive been drawing things that dont relate to uni at all and hoping that i can
get away with it

i sort of did get away with it though, with a journal full of dreams hidden away from sight,
and a folio for uni with a couple of maps and things that got handed in.

ive been waiting for a revelation, the kind you get when you know what you should do about things and you dont do it. some people think im strong but when it comes to love, as my mum says its on my SLEEVE. on my goddam sleeve in an hour or so.
and then your tricked. and people tell you tricks and ignore the things they've said before and it all turns into a yucky mush like the bottom of the tomato paste jar when its been left at the back of the fridge.

ive been neglecting everyone. so today i make ammends with my black rabbit. he's up in the apartment running about, making me work for my pats. hide and seek under the bed.

and i catch up on the millions of emails in the world that have stars, month old stars.

and i hope i can be more enthusiastic about things other than my dreamy drawing state.
last night i had a dream that my sister was touching the lense of my camera and i was angry at her. it wasnt very nice. ive been having strange dreams.

the view: many many naked trees, grey sky, black birds, shiny black wet roads, grass growing brown with the lack of light and the drench of rain, the city behing a haze of misty rain.