red legs

whats going on? im having one of those things where
you dont get much work done and then everything else becomes
intensely important
and you are taken up with
minor
meagre
details.

it has not been a good couple of weeks, no
but im not defeated
yet

just going slightly insane due to;

my poorness (how to pay yesterdays rent?)
and the guilt of being a shit housemate
(never cleaning, cooking, buying food, never here)
and that feeling that yes perhaps it is unavoidable that
i will be alone

ive been saying all the wrong things at the wrong times

gen bought me poppies
they are slowly unfolding at my desk
from being so crumpled to being so fine and transparent
i love watching them
three have opened today already

she told me about a place in tasmania
where there is a strange religion in a little
town where a friend of her's lives

they have to wear scarves on their heads and
long skirts
and they believe heaven is at the end of a street in
that town
gens friend lives on that street
but the wrong end

"heaven is at the end of my street
and i live at the wrong end"

we decided that would be a good song

these people also believe that
you cant look at any type of screen
not a computer or a television

but they correspond with the leader of their religion by email

they go to the nearest computer place
which is run by two gay guys in the town and
get the men to log in to the email and
print off their correspondance

crazy

today is foggy
but im wearing red stockings
a distracting flash of red here and ther

perhaps today will be a good day?